Baby Loss Awareness 2020

Published: 9th October 2020

Baby Loss Awareness 2020

We appreciate this may be a sensitive subject matter for some of you and so would like to issue the following Trigger warning: Miscarriage and Baby loss.

Baby Loss Awareness Week aims to raise awareness about pregnancy and baby loss in the UK and to unite bereaved parents and their loved ones with others and commemorate the lives of babies who have died during pregnancy, soon after birth or in infancy.

Who organises it what is it for?

The Baby Loss Awareness Alliance is a collaboration of more than 70 charities they aim to not only raise awareness of just how many families are affected by baby loss in the UK, but to drive changes in policy, to educate clinical professionals on matters of compassion, language and how to break bad news and all aspects of bereavement care, to reach out to those who have lost, offering support where needed and solidarity. They also work towards breaking down the taboo of baby loss and help loved ones to understand how they can best support the bereaved family member what to say and what not to say for example.

With the current statistics standing that baby loss is something that will occur to 1 in 4 women (with a further 1 in 4 experiencing multiple miscarriages). That figure alone speaks for itself it’s a heart breaking figure the represents a heart breaking reality for many women and families.

East Herts Sands Group

We spoke to local parent Gigliola whose daughter Livia’s heart sadly stopped beating 32 weeks into her pregnancy. Gigliola has since gone on to become actively involved with East Herts Sands charity working with bereaved parents and helping to orchestrate fundraising initiatives to continue to keep improving the care of bereaved parents. I have met Gigliola before as she has regularly arranged events for Baby loss awareness week in Hertford and Ware, last year this was held at the castle but unfortunately they cannot take place this year.

Gigliola has used her experience to try to drive training initiatives to try to ensure that bereaved parents are given the best support when they are at the hospital. SANDS research shows that too often this support is unavailable, inaccessible or inappropriate.

Furthermore SANDS states that the care that bereaved families receive from health and other professionals, following pregnancy loss or the death of their baby, can have long-lasting effects. Good care cannot remove parents’ pain and grief, but it can help them through this devastating time. In contrast, poor care can significantly add to their distress. Sadly statistics show that many bereaved mothers will go on to experience psychiatric illness that requires specialist support, triggered by intense grief and the trauma of their experience. So East Herts SANDS group also make sure that they are there to help and to talk.

In recent years SANDS fundraised to provide Cuddle Cots for both Harlow and Lister hospitals so that parents whose child has died can spend a few days or even up to a week with their child , cleaning them and clothing them, taking photos and creating memories with their baby. The cuddle cots have been provided by North Herts Sands for Lister and East Herts Sands provided the ones for PAH and North Middlesex Hospital. The hospital sadly did not have a cuddle cot with Gigliola’s daughter Livia was born and so she only had a few precious hours with her child.

SANDS were also working to refurbish the star room at PAH (sadly postponed due to covid currently).

Whilst talking to Gigliola the subject of my own loss in 2016 came up, our little bump , who we named Aurora, who we sadly lost and the long lasting effects of my miscarriage and the reactions of loved ones on my own mental health. I developed post natal anxiety after the birth of my youngest son, a condition which I still battle with now, Gigliola was keen to point out that they were there to listen should I ever need to. Which I feel is testament to just how supportive the group is.

What work still needs to be done in 2020?

Baby Loss is still very much, even in 2020 a taboo subject. One where women and men often try to gloss over their own grief and where friends and loved ones are either oblivious to your loss, (if you haven’t told them) or are unsure what to say and may avoid talking about it as a result. Those that do speak out, particularly those in the public eye, may face criticism. Chrissy Teigan and John Legend only last week sadly announced they had lost their baby boy, Jack, and amongst the outpouring of sympathy were many messages on social media posts criticising their decision for sharing their sad news. Calling them “attention seeking” and saying the post was in poor taste. I think this very much reiterates that Baby Loss even in 2020 is still a taboo subject and there is still much work to be done.

The effects of covid 19 on Baby loss care and support

The effect of social distancing from Covid-19 has had a major impact on access to care and support and has complicated grief and responses to pregnancy and baby loss. With many mothers facing appointments and scans alone, this has resulted in thousands of women receiving heart-breaking news alone. Thankfully this is now an issue that is being addressed but there is still much work can be done.

How can I help?

Gigliola was keen to highlight that it is a common misconception that Baby Loss Awareness week is just about SANDS and the work they do. Baby loss awareness week is also about every one of us, it’s about highlighting that sadly parents do lose babies and learning how we can support them. Gigliola says “Don’t ignore them, don’t isolate them. Don’t avoid reaching out for fear of doing the wrong thing”

2020 has been a year where lowliness and Isolation has been enhanced for many now more than ever, we can all come together to let those affected by pregnancy and baby loss know they are not alone and that we are all here to support them?

We conclude this blog post by sharing more information from SANDS listing 5 ways you can help support a bereaved parent.

We also attach a baby loss awareness colouring sheet. Due to the cancellation of the many public events due to take place this year, East Herts SANDS are asking people to colour these in and decorate their windows in either pink or blue to show support.